Mom/Mommy/Mama: A tad vanilla, but still a solid title for one’s birthgiver. My personal preference leans toward Mama over the other two. 7/10

Little Child: inaccurate, but I approve of toddlers cheerfully turning the tables of condescension on adults. 9/10

Dude: I enjoy this. And I accept responsibility for it; I call her dude at times. 9/10

Doodie-fart-butt: Why. Where. This is so very much not my brand of humor, and now I’m questioning if she’s even got my genetics. 0/10

Little Boy: A bold, yet wildly inaccurate choice. I give her points for originality, and then I take them away again for flagrant disregard of reality. 4/10

Sweetie: This one seems like a term of endearment on the surface, but comes across more condescending than you might think. 9/10

Jenny: This one makes me think of myself, because my siblings and I used to call our parents by their given names sometimes. Found out some people thought it was Terribly Disrespectful of us. I, however, don’t feel Terribly Disrespected when my daughter does it. 8/10

Sir: I appreciate the courtesy, although tbh, she’s usually not pleased with me when she calls me this. I have suggested that “ma’am” might be more appropriate but she remains unmoved. 8/10

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I always looked forward to my child learning to talk, because it meant I’d finally get glimpses of what goes on inside her head. It’s as weird and wonderful as I hoped. Honestly though, I never expected to find myself looking so small and so masculine through her eyes.